escape vehicle act, because nobody needs a ferrari

Escape Vehicle Ban of 2016

Recent reports are creating a frenzy over the increasing numbers of motor vehicles used in crimes.

We all know that these reports are total BS because the item used to commit a crime is not the real problem, but they make exciting news stories and prompt citizens to feel important by choosing which of the 2 clearly defined “sides” of the “issue” they support, so they continue to proliferate.

Repercussions are largely as expected.

The American public has resumed its cries of “why doesn’t somebody do something?” while simultaneously intending to do nothing more strenuous than posting an emotionally charged status on social media.

*Note: “somebody” in the above context can be assumed to mean “somebody else” and “something” can be assumed to mean “something that doesn’t involve any action, discomfort, or minor irrelevant changes in my own personal routine.”

dangers that prompted the escape vehicle ban
Evidence of the public danger presented by escape vehicles

As usual, politicians have espied the opportunity to seize upon the vague, general fear, and use that widespread unease to sign their name on yet another piece of feel-good legislation.

The proposed legislation will, of course, not actually provide any security.

But at least the aforementioned politicians can claim that they’ve taken some kind of action on your behalf, and will certainly remind you of this during the next election cycle.

The proposed Escape Vehicle Ban legislation is as follows:


114th CONGRESS
2D SESSION
S. BILL 498
To regulate get-away vehicles, to ensure that the right to drive is not unlimited, and for other purposes.


IN THE SENATE OF THE UNITED STATES

A BILL

To regulate vehicles commonly used in escapes from the scene of a crime, to ensure that access to such vehicles is not unlimited, and for other purposes.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled

SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.

This Act may be cited as the “Escape Vehicle Ban of 2016”.

SEC. 2. DEFINITIONS.

(a) IN GENERAL.—The terms “get-away vehicle” and “escape vehicle” means any motorized vehicle which—

(A) Is intended for use on established roadways and which—

(B) Will travel at speeds capable of exceeding established speed limits for United States highways and interstates.

(C) May also include any other vehicle, motorized or propelled by other means, which could be used to elude law enforcement after the commission of a crime.

SEC. 3. RESTRICTIONS ON OWNERSHIP AND USE OF ESCAPE VEHICLES BY CERTAIN CLASSES OF INDIVIDUALS

It shall be unlawful for any person or persons who has been previously convicted of a felony offense or has been convicted of a misdemeanor offense punishable by a term of 12 months or longer, or is currently under indictment for such offense to own, operate or transfer to another individual, any vehicle which can be classified by this Act as an Escape Vehicle.

It shall be unlawful for any person to import, sell, manufacture, occupy, possess or operate vehicles which fall under this Act which were manufactured after the date of enactment of said Act.

Vehicles covered under this Act which are currently owned by non-prohibited persons may be owned and operated until such time as they are no longer serviceable.

They may not be transferred to anyone other than those exempted from restriction under this Act.

All vehicles grandfathered under this act must be registered with the Federal Bureau of Investigation within 180 days of the implementation of this Act.

It is further prohibited for any individual or group of individuals who are observed to be loitering outside of facilities such as banks, liquor stores, convenience stores and other facilities which are common targets of violent crimes to occupy vehicles covered by this Act.

SEC. 4. BACKGROUND CHECKS FOR GRANDFATHERED OWNERS OF ESCAPE VEHICLES.

Those individuals who currently own vehicles covered under this act and wish to retain ownership until the end of the vehicle’s serviceable life must consent to a criminal background check conducted by the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Said background check must be completed within 180 days of the implementation of this act.

Failure to do so will result in confiscation of the Escape Vehicle without compensation to the individual.

SEC. 5. EXEMPTIONS.

This act shall NOT apply to the following classes of individual:

(A) Police officers whether on or off duty

(B) Officers of the Court

(C) Elected officials

(D) Duly Licensed Automobile Dealers

SEC. 6. PENALTIES.

Those who violate this act shall be subject to the following:

(A) Prohibited Persons found to be in operation of Escape Vehicles are subject to imprisonment for a term not to exceed Ten (10) years and/or a fine not to exceed $10,000.00 dollars.

(B) Non-Prohibited Persons who fail to register their Escape Vehicles with the FBI will be subject to forfeiture of the vehicle and a fine not to exceed $1,000.00 dollars.

(C) Transfer of Escape Vehicles other than to authorized dealers of government agencies shall be punishable by forfeiture of the vehicle and imprisonment for a term not to exceed Two (2) years and/or a fine not to exceed $2,000.00.

SEC. 7. BUYBACK PROGRAM FOR GRANDFATHERED ESCAPE VEHICLES.

Those individuals who choose not to retain ownership of vehicles covered under this Act may elect to transfer ownership of said vehicles an authorized licensed dealer within 180 days of the ratification of this act.

Compensation shall be determined by the dealer, but shall be no less that standard accepted trade in value as evidenced by commonly accepted industry sources.

SEC. 8. SEVERABILITY.

If any provision of this Act, an amendment made by this Act, or the application of such provision or amendment to any person or circumstance is held to be unconstitutional, it is up to the United States Citizen to contest and appeal this act.

All citizens will be considered guilty until proven innocent.

As with similar bills like the Assault Weapon Ban, the Gun Control Acts of 1934, 1968 and 1986, it has been accepted practice of this Legislative Body to enact laws, rules and regulations that deprive United States Citizens of their rights and personal property without due process.

It is further determined that although this Act will do nothing to prevent bank robberies, liquor store robberies, violent assaults and similar crimes, given the evidence that most escapes from such crimes are facilitated by vehicular transportation, this Act is justified because we simply HAVE to do SOMETHING, even when that action will further endanger the American Public and will not accomplish anything worthwhile.


Perhaps the sarcasm in this post is a little strong.

Sometimes, though, we need to look at things from a new perspective.

No, this is not real legislation – not that you hadn’t already figured that out – but it parallels the way our country treats and talks about firearm legislation.

Because of the way our news reports about “gun violence” and the fact that many people actually believe that violence is somehow worse, scarier, and deadlier when the word “gun” is involved, thousands of people fail to see how ridiculous the anti-rights lobby is.

So, yes, the ‘proposed legislation’ outlined above is absurd.

But it’s not really unheard of, is it?

If you’d like to use SB 498 in your own blog posts, we invite you to download a .PDF version of this authentic looking “bill” to use on your own website.

Escape Vehicle Ban Downloadable PDF Document

We respectfully ask that you don’t copy without giving credit, and if you do use this complimentary document, you link back to this blog.

What do you think?

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